Wednesday, May 26, 2010


it's been a while since the last entry. wasn't it?

time passes by, things changed, and of course, i've changed. into better or worst, i would never know. but i am a happy man now.

i wanna talk about,


and not from the Buddhism point of view.

from my understanding, karma means for very action that u've done to other people, eventually you will get it back in return.

when i looked back into my past, i can't hardly remember what i've done to other people. was i good? or was i incredibly bad? because what goes around will always comes around. no matter how far you run, how deep you hide, it will come to get you.

so be nice. i want to be nice. i don't want to hurt other people.

we are all connected. if we hurt other people, we will end up hurting ourselves.

lately my writing has totally turns to crap. sucks man.

my spiritual journey begin on 5th of June. God, please guide your humble servants there. Amin ya Rabbal- Al Amin.

Monday, April 19, 2010

a little piece of appreciation

a story about a little girl with a big lovely heart. not about a beautiful girl with a heart of a fucking witch. and what's rhyme with fucking witch, is lying bitch.

sorry sorry. never meant to be ridiculously emotional, irrational, sentimental or any -tal. it's just a word from the heart is better than a word from the mouth.

early in the morning, i receive a text message that put up a smile in my face.

" i'm thinking about meeting you tomorrow. are you gonna be okay about that? "

quickly, i replied. " of course i'm okay about that. but are you sure? you still have a long journey ahead after you meeting me tomorrow."

she replied. " well tomorrow is tomorrow. we'll think about that, tomorrow. =) "

and tomorrow turns to today,
and today is the day,
she's coming.
a distance never going to be a problem.
as long as the will is strong,
directly from the heart.

i'm excited. better than that, i feel very lucky. to have someone so pure to me.

when we met, i can't stop smiling,
i can't stop feeling happy,
i can't stop laughing.
yet i'm being myself again.
yet i'm owning myself again.
i am myself, when i am with you.

we didn't do a lot of thing. we had a lunch. it sucks but our starving stomach never really mind about it. we had a drinks. we chat and talk about the good old days. laugh about our stupidity, our teenage years and all those memories. we also didn't hide the bad memories. just with your smile, it washes all the pain that i kept inside.

we sit by the fountain,
watching the gloomy sky as it was about to rain,
still the fountain were crowded with people,
we are sitting among strangers, but we feel safe.

i'm sorry for the past two years. i'm sorry for the mistake that i have done. all this time i was so blind to see that only you are the one for me. no one have been so pure and kind to me. you never ask anything in return. i kept running away from you all this time. i'm afraid that i will hurt you again before.but not this time. you opened up my heart. you healed this wounded heart. you rejuvenated this dying life.

yes. you.

thank you.

and when it's time to say goodbye,
it will never gonna be enough time for us,
but i will wait,
i will wait for the time to come again,
i want to love you.
i want to put your big heart next to my little beating heart.

i could see the rain falling down from the stadium light. an ambiance for the night. i put up my rain coat, and ride through the cold and wet but i really glad that we met.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Stab My Back - All American Rejects

Now we're broken on the floor
She just wants me to share her
It hasn't been this way before
She just wants me to dare her

The phone rings
And she screams

Stab my back
It's better when I bleed for you
You walk on me
It never was enough to do

I can't get past her
Falling fast
It's true
It hasn't done a lot for you

And every time he held you close
Yeah, were you thinking of me
When I needed you the most
Well I hope that you're happy

The phone rings
And she screams

Stab my back
It's better when I bleed for you
You walk on me
It never was enough to do

I can't get past her
Falling fast
It's true
It's better when I bleed for you

I hope that love he gave you
Was just enough to save you
You nearly broke my heart
Just look at what you're tearing apart

Stab my back
It's better when I bleed for you
You walk on me
It never was enough to do

I can't get past her
Falling fast
It's true
It hasn't done a lot for you

It's better when I bleed for you
It never was enough to do
It hasn't done a lot for you

Saturday, April 10, 2010

i soaked in my own sweat.

it was late at night. and i'm on my way driving to a place that i used to be really familiar with. i have to met someone. someone i used to know for quite while. i didn't really knew what i was doing.

"this is crazy. this is not a good decision, man. are you really sure with what you're doing?" i said to myself, emphasizing really.

it's have been tough on me. my mind always wandered around. i could never think straight for quite a time. i seems okay. but okay is wasn't enough. i need to be perfect. and then the songs were playing on the stereo.
Straight Jacket Feeling - All American Rejects. i listen carefully to that song, and hell it has a very meaningful lyrics.

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straight jacket feeling
So maybe I won't be alone
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
Off a list of others, you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again
To take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me
But today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

And when that memory slips away
There'll be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
And just the thought of you I fear
It falls away

"haih". i sighed in silences.

i've been quite attracted with the songs from All American Rejects now. their songs were so meaningful. i'm also wondering why their song are mostly about a heartbroken guy expressing their feeling. in their last two albums, most of them are all about it. maybe it easier to write a song about that. maybe they are so many people heartbroken in this world. maybe.

as the song came to an end, i reached my destination. from a distance i could see her. seems unhappy. of course. then i'm wondering. what the hell i am doing here?

i parked next to her. killed the engine and i opened the doors. slowly, i got out and walked towards her. then this feelings came. i knew, i didn't like it to be here.

i just look at her face. i stood there and says nothing. i was numbed. i saw her lips moving. she was saying something. but i can't even remember what she was saying. not that i didn't focused with what she's been telling. it's just my mind seem been floating and rejecting all the things she have been saying to me.

and then all of sudden, i felt really uncomfortable. something is burning in my chest. it's a bad, bad heartache.
i knew this pain. it's a pain you feel when your heart are crushed to ashes.

i could see her, smiling. i still don't get it. next thing i knew i was on my feet walking away from her. i get into my car and drive. and the pain, kept getting on harder.



i woke up. thank God it was just a dream. I am soaked with my own sweat. And the pain was still there.

God, help me.

this loneliness didn't kill me. but i think it's good if i have someone to take care of me. but the time still wasn't right. i need time. i need time.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

do u know what i hate?

last night before i close my eyes, i wonder why. why in this world, human can't leave each other alone? why human, won't respect others? why human prefer to be ignorance?

it's hard and i couldn't find any other answers to that. maybe because i am a human.

human, they are special from any other creatures. human have brain. but human usually don't use it. and that could be a problem.

sometimes, when other human ask another human, to do a simple things such as "leave me alone." they just couldn't understand it. what so hard about that? when a people told u to piss off, just piss off. you doesn't have to use 98% of your brain to understand that. so, why would you not, leave my life alone? yes, YOU.

just for you to know, you doesn't have to know anything. because you don't deserved to know anything. because you are NOTHING. don't tell me you feel guilty or bad. if you do feel so, pray to God for Him to bless both of human our life and let us succeed in anything that we've been into. i don't need you in my life before, now, and in the future. because you never there and i'm getting used to it.

don't take this personally. you wasn't bad at all. i don't want to use this blog for all the wrong reason. i write because i loved to. i write because i wanted to. i didn't write all of those entries for you. not at all. and if you want to be better, get your life out of me because i totally gotten my life out of your's. i don't know how your life have been doing but i truly don't want to know. i will wish and pray for your happiness as long as you manage to take your breath away from my air. what's mine is mine and they never gonna be yours. and what's yours is yours and i never intended to have any of it.

i am sorry but we are adults, so we have to act like one. don't try to ruin other's life because we are all connected. once you hurt other's, you end up hurting yourself, IN THE END. lastly, i just want to tell you this, you can be a stalker. but don't left anything behind. you can stalk and then leave.

we can do this the easy way or the hard way. someway somehow, i have rights for my own life. and our Law said so.


"this post wasn't meant to be personal. i am sorry if it looks like it."

Thursday, April 1, 2010

hello, april.

it's the 1st of April and i don't really care about April fool. I'm just hoping this April will be a new beginning for all of us.

so, what should i do in this April? I should make it great. I want it to be great.

what should you do? decide it yourself.


it's been a hectic January, worst February and miserably March of this 2010 for me.

i hope this will be a warm April, smiling May, great June and there will be a Present for July.

August, September, October and November?


Monday, March 29, 2010


truthfully, i am just a normal 21 y/o guys. looks just average, always talk craps, love to joke around, not easy to get along on the first impression, not good in organizing my financial, and seems a bit immature. maybe not a bit. maybe i am immature.

i always act and looks immature. but i know, i can think, maturely when i am needed to. that is what i think about myself.

i also find myself a bit complex. and i am hardly understand myself. so i never expect others to understand me. but i am sure that i am not complicated. both those, are two different things.

last weekend, i had a talk with my sis. the oldest one. i rarely talks and open up with her before. maybe because of the age gap, i am not easily close to her. compare with my other sister, which i am quite close.

i love having an adult's talk. because adults can give a lot of good advices. i am young. for now, ignorance is my middle name. i need a lot of guide, so i can live through this world.

but for 21 y/o guy, i also believe, that i have been experiencing a lot of things, i have seen a lot of things, and i heard a lot of things. sometimes, i can't believe that i am living this life. i see a lot of ups and downs. i see a lot of people change. i see myself change. i see babies grow up into child. i see child grow up into boys. i see beauty outside but dark and rotten inside. i see people get deserved. i see pains. i see wealthiness. i see happiness. i see smiles and grin. i see cheats and lies. i see justice and injustice. i see grateful and ungrateful. but i am still 21. i still going to see a lot of things after this.

i'll pass through all those phases. and i want to keep myself strong.

God, help me. help us. I am, we are just Your ignorance creature. Please guide us. Amin.

Friday, March 26, 2010

life was supposed to be hard

life was supposed to be hard.

that was my personal opinion and perspective about life. life was never supposed to be easy. but no matter how hard your life could be, there is always be the sweetness that you can taste from it.

life was supposed to be hard. so we could grow up and learn from this life. there is no other better teachers in this world than life itself.

life was supposed to be hard. that is why we should always be grateful with our life and never waste it. we should cherish every moment with our life because the past is past. and we should always stay together for the present and be prepared for the future.

life was supposed to be hard. so, we should be kind to each other and try not to ruin their life.

life was supposed to be hard. we should love each other and never let them wasted their life.

life was supposed to be hard. we should never gave up. even if we are at the most critical breaking point in our life.

life was supposed to be hard. so that we would never ever forget The One and Only, The Almighty God Allah S.W.T.

life was supposed to be hard. please don't, don't make it harder on other's.

a person told me, that i am nothing, to write anything for others to read. i just smile. well, this is my place, to express all of my thoughts and turned it into my own useless words and sentences full with grammatical error. i don't care. i just take life, seriously. please mind your own business. will ya?

my life was always quite hard but every time i woke up in the morning, i be grateful to God, for letting me live in this life, one more day. and that will always be enough reason for me to smile for the rest of the day.

Monday, March 22, 2010

awaken by the silences.

buzzz. buzzz. buzzz.

the vibrating sounds of Tommy's phone wake him up. 2.30 a.m. "who the hell would be texting me at this kind of time?", Tommy wonders. he reaches to his phone and tries to open his eyes as big as he can.

1 New Messages : Unknown Number.

"Hmm." Tommy hit the read button. his curiousity is at its peak.

damn you asshole. who the hell you think you are? you think you are good enough huh? your life is miserable right now. you might even don't have a future. you might be ending up homeless, poor and living out on the street. who do you think you are to talk and give motivation to others when you are having a shitty life right now? and i am not a bitch. you just remember. you are an asshole yourself. you are a mistake. one day i'll show it to you how wonderful my life gonna be with my new boyfriend. God answer my prayer. He gave him into my life. i'll do it. i'll show how happy i could be. you remember yourself, asshole.

an angry text messages. in a middle of the night. who else would it be. "haih." sigh Tommy. yup. he is living a shitty life right. he was an asshole before. he wasn't perfect. the text messages sent to him was true. most of it. but he has his reason. and he never have to state it. Tommy put the phone away. trying to sleep. but he can't. not after reading that disturbing messages.

so what? yup. i am living a shitty life. well, u never care. all this time it is always about you. you're always have to be the one who have to be pleased. i'm the one who serves. remember. i am the one who broke up with you. at least you should be grateful that you are happy now and stay out of my life. i've completely took out myself from you. so why don't you just get out of mine? i'm not the one who disturb you in the middle of the night. i'm not the one who sending all those disturbing messages. emh maybe i did. yes i did. but that is after i realise that u always wanted to hurt me. it's true. it's hard to forget you. i did miss you. i love u a lot. so what do you expect? i am putting myself together now. i think what i did now was nothing. compare to what you did to me before when i want to break with you. i'm sure you forgot how psychopathic you have been before. so just, stay out of my life.

it's been hard for tommy. to live like this. but he knows, he don't have to fight anymore. this is not his fight. what he wanted all along was just a normal life. he might be broken up inside but he can see, the life outside him are turning back to normal. "Thank god."

buzzz. buzzz. buzzz.

another text messages came. "haih." Tommy sighed. and then suddenly, his phone rings.

Incoming Call : Amy

" i couldn't sleep. just want to check you out. you okay baby?" said Amy. her voice was so soft and calming. like a lullaby that could send thousand of babies to sleep.

" i'm fine baby. don't you worry. i love you. now go to sleep will ya? i don't want my baby waking up with a sore eyes like a panda next morning. " Tommy replied. sarcastically.

"haha. u always joking baby. when will you ever be serious? " ask Amy. with a little laugh that can be heard clearly in the silences of the night.

" i'm always serious when i needed to be honey. don't worry. hehe. now go to sleep. don't you worry" said Tommy. he sounded like he really care for her. more than he care for himself.

"okay baby. Goodnyte".


Tommy smiles. Amy always have been the one who stands beside him. they knew each other for so long. he knew he have to keep the girl near to him or he will lose her one day.

2 New Messages : Unknown Number.

"screw you."

He hit the delete button and never read them. why should he. as for now, Tommy knew that he have his life just for himself. there is no more Gina in his life. he should make his life great. and it is not about proving anything to anybody. it is just for him, his family, and for the future family of his own.


'You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.' Captain Mike from the Curious Case Of Benjamin Button.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

700 days of not seeing.

this event of stories are never meant to be related to any people, dead or living in any kind of way. especially u, bitch.

a story of a boy and a girl, and it was not, a love story.

for a country boy, outside life is a new whole meaning for him. he never really sees, what life would be and what life could bring. For a 23 years old boy, named Tommy.

and for a sub-urban city girl, life is all about knowing the right way to live and survive by using other people success and take a benefit for her own. in her life, there is nothing even more important than her life and her success. meet the young and beautiful, Gina.

as life could be as complicated as would be, Tommy could never really sees. in his eyes life is so meaningful, full with love and happiness. well Gina, she always knew what may come in life so she always prepared, to use other people.

Gina was lonely. One day she decided she wanted to fill her loneliness with somebody. "never meant for anything serious, just filling for the emptiness." she say to herself. fate or coincidence, she managed to trap Tommy. By just using a few promises and words, she caught his heart, and he gave it all away. All. Away. and that was the start of 'a beginning of an ending', for Tommy.

their relationship never seem fake, for him. but for Gina, she always prepared. she never take anyone seriously in her life. so why should she take this one? one day, Gina had to go away. Tommy really wanted her to stay. But Gina was also too afraid. As she knows life out there was quite complicated. she know she could not handle it out herself.

"Come with me, Tommy. I need u. I need somebody to take care of me. I'm just a girl. I won't make it through out there, alone." cries Gina. Luring the boy, into her mouse trap.

" Take your worry away lovely baby. Of course i'll be there for you. I'll take all the bitterness for you and leave you nothing, except the sweetness essences, of life." said Tommy, without any hesitation in his words.

That is the beginning of a dark episode which more will come, in that poor boy's life.


living in the outside world on their own, always was adventurous enough for them. Especially Tommy. But he never gave up. never he learned before to give up. And well, Gina was literally doing nothing. having Tommy as her shadow, make her life easier. and that was she always wanted in her life.

in a normal relationship, there should always have Give n' Take, and Up n' Down. it is what make the relationship stable. it is the ingredients that formed a strength in any relationship. the more the time they have together, the more Tommy gave. still, the more Down they are having.

"It is too much for me. I could never continued my life like this. Please baby. I love you. Let's make our relationship better." beg Tommy to Gina. Like a slave, begging to his Queen.

Gina had to keep him around, as he was the shadow of all the things she had to do.
"Don't worry honey, I'll promise I'll make our relationship better." promised Gina, that were never promising enough.

as time passes by, the only things that changed was Gina life. her life was getting better. But not Tommy, as he see that Gina was his life. he never sees his real life. he never really met em'. their Down's are getting harder and critical everyday. and it affected Tommy the most. and never Gina, because she has already taking him out of her life. throwing away her shadows, who done almost everything for her before.

one day the decision had to be made. Tommy took the strength to called it off. Tommy ran away. trying to put his life in part because he never really does that before. and giving chances to Gina to do same.

it was never hard for Gina. As she was the one in this episode that knew what life could bring. Opposite for Tommy. His life sucks. but he had to breath and continue to live as she couldn't take his breath from him.

his life are falling apart in front him. it is hard enough but no one could be able to see. he hide it well enough so that no one could feel what he had within. and Gina was irritated by Tommy. She still had to make Tommy's life harder. as she could only live, by other's disaster. the more he hurts, the more he knew about life. that was the 'ending of an ending', for him.

now Tommy is still breathing. whole new air, with a whole new smile. he has finally sees, what life could be and what life would bring.

and Gina, she is on the peak of her life now. everything was so perfect for her. she had everything even more than before. she even got a new "toy" around. But she always forgot, how she used Tommy. she always forgot, how she lied to Tommy. she always forgot, how she hurts Tommy. she always forgot that she is the manipulator, the cheater, and how she always lied to Tommy face.

Tommy wasn't hoping for anything to her. But she never sees, how this life could pay it back to her faces. Someday and somehow.


let's hope for the best that make it last.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

i won't question why.

i used to be a soldier. i used to fight for others. i used to sacrifice all my life just to make their's better. i always put myself in front of them, so whatever may come shall hit me first. i'll spill my blood for them if i have to.

until one day, one of my beloved people whom i protect and served betrayed. she wants to get rid of me. after all this time i have been their shadow and then next thing i know she managed to convince others to put me down. throw me away. and that was the biggest hit i ever take for them. from them. by them. it struck deep. penetrates through my skin. with a blunt pointed tip it hurts. hurts more than i have ever take. hurts more than a dozen of flying bullets. it wasn't sharp as a bayonets, but it precisely know where to hurt.

as a soldier, i supposed to endure and stand all of this. but in this case, i totally can't. i feel my life has been wasted. i can't see the main purpose of my life anymore. i do not want to die. but i surely do not know how to live. day after day i lay on my back. awake. my mind are empty. as empty as the sky in a hot desert. my feelings are numb. my body doesn't know what they are supposed to do anymore. my muscle sores, my limbs seems like they wasn't there. i don't know what to do. there's no more order that i could follow through.

one night i decided, if i am not needed, i should not be here. i should stay away from here. i reach for legs. making them to work as their supposed to. and i start walking. i never try to look back. because i'll be hurt. by betrayal and injustice. at this point my feeling are purely hate and no others. it's the first feeling i ever had for quite a while.

it's been a few years i never heard from all of those people. i never wanted to hear from them. sometimes i wish for pain and sorrow for them. i wish they all die in misery. for playing with my life and my trust for them. for being ungrateful with all of the sacrifices i have done. my life full with hatred, which i never had them, before.

one hot day in a summer, a young fine beautiful woman came into my oasis where i stay. she seem lost and she needed a place to stay. i was committed with a loneliness for a while. i forgot what it feel to have people around. so i just let her stay and just mind with my own business. we never had a conversation. i feel like we didn't need one.

"so, i noticed that you used to be a soldier." she ask. breaking the silences that i had been going with her for a few days. i shocked but i replied just to be nice, " yes i am". the conversation became longer. the contents became deeper. next thing i know i am making a friend. which i never had before. i only know how to serve. i never know how it feel having a friend.

it feels warm and cozy. i finally managed to put a smile on my face. it feels good.

" so, why did they throw u away, soldier?".

and the silences are filling the air for a while.

" i won't question why".

i smile. and then our hearts beat faster. making a bond. a commitment. something that called, LOVE.


Sunday, March 14, 2010

to believe, that believing is everything.

i believe in my dreams. to achieve something. and satisfied with it. i believe life is so meaningful to be wasted. i believe we are stupid to just let our life pass away without any achievement. please, don't take your life for granted.

dream on. have a vision. own a mission.

but words are totally easier than actions. "so why wait?" i ask myself.

so i will not wait. i will not just sit here and wait for all the good things to happen. i'll bust my ass for my dreams. i'll set my vision. i'll own a mission. i won't waste my life. i don't want to be the person who 35 years later sitting in a bench looking and wondering how old he has become and never own anything meaningful in his life. by owning, it is not about materials. materials were never an owning. don't ever be proud, with all of your materials that you ever owned.

i want to be successful in my studies.
i want to have a good a career.
i want my interest in music will make through an achievement.
i want to take a good care of my parents.
i want to have a lovable wife, that i'll always love till the end of my life.
i want to have a good children and be more than just a dad to them.
i want to make my life, as meaningful as it could be.

so i will not just sit here and wait, for all those things to happen.

life is a battle. come on. be a winner.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

as long as i remember, i never wanted to remember it at all.

so here it is. it is burning hot. the temperature is killing you. the sun are playing with you. your life are quite messed up lately. sometime u just wake up and u wish u never have to. so what, what should you do?

what did i do? i do absolutely nothing. i act like there was absolutely nothing. i smile like there was absolutely nothing, big, happening in my life. i talk with people, acting like it was nothing. but is it nothing? should it be nothing? will it be nothing? i will never ever know.

so, here's the story of how a boy that took the road not taken. this boy, he have everything in his life. good family, good education, good friends and good future. let's not forget, a good girl, that always take a good care of that boy.

blah blah and blah. the boy somehow walk along the journey of his life, and finally found a fork in a road, divided into two. so he see, one nice road, surrounded by trees and birds are singing happily. and the other road, look just fine. as fine as the other one. but u can see, the road are rarely used and it seems creepy, for a boy who have everything in his life.

so that the boy have to choose. in a long day, he takes, to make his decision. but there's a rule he have to play. there's a catch he have to pay. and came along an elf, whispering in his hear. "hey boy. you seem have been living really-really fine all these years. you never met a real life experience in your life. come on boy. seize the day. left everything behind and walk along the road not taken. your future will never be decided until u decided it know."

so the boy, walk along the road not taken and yes. he have to struggle through everything, everything one's could imagine. but yet he walk, walk along and play along the games, the road gave him. as too late for him, to regret the decision that he made, for taking the road, not taken.

one's should never regret, the decision one's have made.

but did i? i would never ever tell you.

Friday, February 26, 2010

"Why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face!"

quote by The Joker in The Dark Knight. The Joker, the only reason why i watched the movie. plus, with the controversial death of Heath Ledger at the moment of course.

so, why so serious? is it hard to put a smile on your face?

yes it is. it is hard to smile when suddenly all eyes are turns to you when you are entering a places full of crowds. like your balls are hanging out of your pants.

yes it is. if you are shy and lack of self confidence and you have no idea how to gain it. and when you think that you are way hotter than brad pitt. (in malay, perasan lebih)

yes it is. if you are in a crowd full of zombies. and you are thinking how hungry you have been.

yes it is. when i decided to stay away, you came back and hurts a lot more. (??)

yes it is. when you badly have to 'go' and the toilets are full occupied. and the loads are coming. fast.

yes it is. when you are attending a funeral.

yes it is. when you are reading this entry.

why so serious?


she text me and told if i did not put her picture on my blog, she will kill herself and haunts me for life. then i told her, "why so serious, babe?"

and i know she will smile after reading this entry.
keh keh keh

useless words = you

useless sentences = i love you

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

if your heart is smart enough, figure this out.

hi there. if anyone there. if not, i'm just talking to myself. i am a big fan of music. famous or not, well-known or not, underground or mainstream, as long as the songs have some quality that fits my soul, i will definitely fall in love with the song. and for me, good songs must have these requirements :

- nice meaningful lyrics. (this is compulsory)
- nice melody with unique variety and identity.
- nice hot and sexy girl in the video clips. (kidding.)

duh. screw the list. who am i to judge. but i mean it with the nice meaningful lyrics. good songs are compulsory to have that quality. because from the lyrics, we can judge how the songs were really mean. not from the ear. but from the heart and from the soul. (it's always about the soul nigga). deep and meaningful lyrics plays the most important role to touch the heart of the listeners. sometime, if we did not carefully study the lyrics, we would never really know what the song really tell you about.

and for my own personal experience, i never knew that John Mayer's song, Your Body Is A Wonderland is song about a he and a she having a hot passionate sex (hot ke? i would never know) if i don't listen closely to the lyrics. well. i'm a malay. it takes a little time to understand the meaning of the song and i was just a little cute kid back then. heh. roughly, from the melody, the music and how John Mayer singing that song, u will never gonna figure it out when u heard it for the first time. maybe after a few time hearing it, u will totally figured that the song was really sooooo 18sx. like a softcore porn literature. i'm just wondering, how did the song passed through our local radio airplay? shouldn't there should be a screener for our local airplay? ( i just used the word screener and i hope u guys get what i mean )
so, lyrics, is a life to every songs. lyrics, if combined with a beautiful rhythm, melody and beat will become a great songs. plus the voice of the singer laa of course.

so let's start to understand this song. Back to Me by The All American Rejects.

Hey you,
So you never really found your way.
Stay true,
Did you ever make it through today?

I know that when I think about a day without it,
Everyday's the same.
You wish that you could find someone
But I'm the only one to blame

Can't you see I beg and plead?
'Cause when your eyes light up the skies at night
I know you're gonna find your way back to me

No don't
Don't you ever let a piece of me down
'Cause time won't
Get back when I'm never around

When we live between so many walls
That I can barely breathe
You say that you just want someone
But I'm the only one you need

Can't you see I beg and plead?
'Cause when your eyes light up the skies at night
I know you're gonna find your way

If it's me that you don't need
Then when the lights go out tonight
I know you're never gonna find your way

Soon when I get you, I won't let you go
Ooh if I let you you can take away all that I thought was wrong
And if you hear me there's not much to say
There's gotta be a better way

Can't you see I beg and plead?
'Cause when your eyes light up the sky tonight
I know you're gonna find your way back to me

Can't you see I beg and plead?
'Cause when the lights go out tonight
I know you're never gonna find your way

If it's me that you don't need
That when the lights go out tonight
I know you're never gonna find your way

If you pace around the world [Incomprehensible]
And when your eyes light up the skies at night
I know you're gonna find your way back to me

let us try to understand it part by part.

a. the singer try to persuade the girl / the one he loves ( in this case, we take it as a girl because homo sucks) with a couple of question. but i think, the singer are trying to ask the girl how is she doing after what they may have gone through.

b. we could see the singer is not doing quite well and the girl blame him because she cannot find other guys to be with. maybe the girl blame the singer because deep inside, she really wanted him and she still love him. or maybe she is just a stuck up bitch with an ego size of mount everest. well it is possible. heh.

c. here comes the chorus. the part where most people will remember. the chorus is quite sad and pathetic but the singer is truly love her. he beg and plead to the girl, hoping she would come back to him. notes to all of the girls out there, when a guy beg and plead or even cry to u, they maybe look weak and pathetic but u're the one who makes them like that. and it also means that the feeling they have towards you is true. so, if u find a guy, sensitive and down to earth enough, grab him. before he falls to another girls hand. and i know someone, who is just like that. sensitive and down to earth. look on the right side of the blog, there is a picture of a guy try to look as cool as he can with the cigarettes. heh. and he is an ex-smokers too.

d. the singer is actually can be divided into pieces. in this case, maybe he is a special human. maybe he is a Jigsaw Man. that have thousands of pieces. and he told the girl not to let a piece of him down. because he will be incomplete. it is his hope. and he stated that, things will never be the same when he is not around. the Jigsaw Man. he think he is complete if he had her in her life.

e. look. there is a wall. what kind of wall is that? is that a brick wall? the WWE indestructibles moves "wall of jericho"? from my side of view, their relationship or past relationship was having a communication problem. they can barely be truthful to each other. they didn't know each other very well. leaving so many walls that divide them. the singer can't really stand that way. he seems to suffer. he wanted to be the one for her. but the bitch ignores him. she wanted somebody else. she thinks he wasn't good enough. damn. what a @#%$$.

f. it is the second version of the chorus. again, the singer beg and plead, hoping the girl would open up her eyes and see that he is the one that she needed. but in the second part, the singer stated that if still she doesn't change her mind, she won't see him as the one for her.

g. this is the bridge. i believe so. the singer stated that if the girl accept him back, he will never let the girl go. he will move in the girl way. he will have all new perspectives about the girl. he will always make sure that the girl always right. he did not want to say anything. this man is insanely love her. he will do anything if she wants him back. he will always be satisfied with her. no more complaining. he will do anything to make the relarionship better. but it seems to me that the guy do nothing wrong to the girl. i still believe the girl is a bitch.

**here is the part where the lead guitarist starts licking. he bend hardly on a lower notes strings then he proceed with a moody scales slowly from the high octave then to the lower octave in quite a sequences. then he turn to a more aggressive chord progression licks that ended with a high notes bending and a little cosmetics. then dramatically another series of chords progression that are running to the lower octaves and ended with a chord.**

h. this is the most dramatic part of the chorus. the singer try to reach to the medium octave of his voice (tarik nipis la org kata) to delivers a little bit of emotion to the song. if i be the girl, i will definitely break down and cry and say " uuww.. how sweeet.. sob sob..". still, the singer is a fool. he has fall in love with a wrong girl. with a bitch. cold heartless bitch ( sejuk hati kurang jalang ).
someway somehow, he still believe and wanted the girl to find a way back to him. if only she could see.

i. the ending. the deep and meaningful ending. still concludes to one. the singer still hoping that the girl will be bright enough to find, a way back to him. he really love that bitch.



1. the girl is a bitch. i hate her.
2. the singer is a sensitive and sweet just like the guy on the right side of this blog. kih kih kih.

the story in this song, is quite familiar to me. maybe i have experienced it. maybe not. heh.

there is no SEXUALITY DISCRIMINATION here. heheh. bangfes betei.

to song youtube's audio is available here