i won't question why.

i used to be a soldier. i used to fight for others. i used to sacrifice all my life just to make their's better. i always put myself in front of them, so whatever may come shall hit me first. i'll spill my blood for them if i have to.

until one day, one of my beloved people whom i protect and served betrayed. she wants to get rid of me. after all this time i have been their shadow and then next thing i know she managed to convince others to put me down. throw me away. and that was the biggest hit i ever take for them. from them. by them. it struck deep. penetrates through my skin. with a blunt pointed tip it hurts. hurts more than i have ever take. hurts more than a dozen of flying bullets. it wasn't sharp as a bayonets, but it precisely know where to hurt.

as a soldier, i supposed to endure and stand all of this. but in this case, i totally can't. i feel my life has been wasted. i can't see the main purpose of my life anymore. i do not want to die. but i surely do not know how to live. day after day i lay on my back. awake. my mind are empty. as empty as the sky in a hot desert. my feelings are numb. my body doesn't know what they are supposed to do anymore. my muscle sores, my limbs seems like they wasn't there. i don't know what to do. there's no more order that i could follow through.

one night i decided, if i am not needed, i should not be here. i should stay away from here. i reach for legs. making them to work as their supposed to. and i start walking. i never try to look back. because i'll be hurt. by betrayal and injustice. at this point my feeling are purely hate and no others. it's the first feeling i ever had for quite a while.

it's been a few years i never heard from all of those people. i never wanted to hear from them. sometimes i wish for pain and sorrow for them. i wish they all die in misery. for playing with my life and my trust for them. for being ungrateful with all of the sacrifices i have done. my life full with hatred, which i never had them, before.

one hot day in a summer, a young fine beautiful woman came into my oasis where i stay. she seem lost and she needed a place to stay. i was committed with a loneliness for a while. i forgot what it feel to have people around. so i just let her stay and just mind with my own business. we never had a conversation. i feel like we didn't need one.

"so, i noticed that you used to be a soldier." she ask. breaking the silences that i had been going with her for a few days. i shocked but i replied just to be nice, " yes i am". the conversation became longer. the contents became deeper. next thing i know i am making a friend. which i never had before. i only know how to serve. i never know how it feel having a friend.

it feels warm and cozy. i finally managed to put a smile on my face. it feels good.

" so, why did they throw u away, soldier?".

and the silences are filling the air for a while.

" i won't question why".

i smile. and then our hearts beat faster. making a bond. a commitment. something that called, LOVE.

heh.