a little piece of appreciation

a story about a little girl with a big lovely heart. not about a beautiful girl with a heart of a fucking witch. and what's rhyme with fucking witch, is lying bitch.


sorry sorry. never meant to be ridiculously emotional, irrational, sentimental or any -tal. it's just a word from the heart is better than a word from the mouth.






early in the morning, i receive a text message that put up a smile in my face.

" i'm thinking about meeting you tomorrow. are you gonna be okay about that? "

quickly, i replied. " of course i'm okay about that. but are you sure? you still have a long journey ahead after you meeting me tomorrow."

she replied. " well tomorrow is tomorrow. we'll think about that, tomorrow. =) "

and tomorrow turns to today,
and today is the day,
she's coming.
a distance never going to be a problem.
as long as the will is strong,
directly from the heart.

i'm excited. better than that, i feel very lucky. to have someone so pure to me.

when we met, i can't stop smiling,
i can't stop feeling happy,
i can't stop laughing.
yet i'm being myself again.
yet i'm owning myself again.
i am myself, when i am with you.

we didn't do a lot of thing. we had a lunch. it sucks but our starving stomach never really mind about it. we had a drinks. we chat and talk about the good old days. laugh about our stupidity, our teenage years and all those memories. we also didn't hide the bad memories. just with your smile, it washes all the pain that i kept inside.

we sit by the fountain,
watching the gloomy sky as it was about to rain,
still the fountain were crowded with people,
we are sitting among strangers, but we feel safe.

i'm sorry for the past two years. i'm sorry for the mistake that i have done. all this time i was so blind to see that only you are the one for me. no one have been so pure and kind to me. you never ask anything in return. i kept running away from you all this time. i'm afraid that i will hurt you again before.but not this time. you opened up my heart. you healed this wounded heart. you rejuvenated this dying life.


yes. you.

thank you.

and when it's time to say goodbye,
it will never gonna be enough time for us,
but i will wait,
i will wait for the time to come again,
i want to love you.
i want to put your big heart next to my little beating heart.

i could see the rain falling down from the stadium light. an ambiance for the night. i put up my rain coat, and ride through the cold and wet but i really glad that we met.

Stab My Back - All American Rejects

Now we're broken on the floor

She just wants me to share her

It hasn't been this way before

She just wants me to dare her

The phone rings

And she screams

Stab my back

It's better when I bleed for you

You walk on me

It never was enough to do

I can't get past her

Falling fast

It's true

It hasn't done a lot for you

And every time he held you close

Yeah, were you thinking of me

When I needed you the most

Well I hope that you're happy

The phone rings

And she screams

Stab my back

It's better when I bleed for you

You walk on me

It never was enough to do

I can't get past her

Falling fast

It's true

It's better when I bleed for you

I hope that love he gave you

Was just enough to save you

You nearly broke my heart

Just look at what you're tearing apart

Stab my back

It's better when I bleed for you

You walk on me

It never was enough to do

I can't get past her

Falling fast

It's true

It hasn't done a lot for you

It's better when I bleed for you

It never was enough to do

It hasn't done a lot for you

i soaked in my own sweat.

it was late at night. and i'm on my way driving to a place that i used to be really familiar with. i have to met someone. someone i used to know for quite while. i didn't really knew what i was doing.

"this is crazy. this is not a good decision, man. are you really sure with what you're doing?" i said to myself, emphasizing really.


it's have been tough on me. my mind always wandered around. i could never think straight for quite a time. i seems okay. but okay is wasn't enough. i need to be perfect. and then the songs were playing on the stereo.
Straight Jacket Feeling - All American Rejects. i listen carefully to that song, and hell it has a very meaningful lyrics.

Back me down from backing up

Hold your breath now it's stacking up

Etched with marks, but I can deal

And you're the problem and you can't feel

Try this on, straight jacket feeling

So maybe I won't be alone

Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell

But today I'm fine without you

Run away this time without you

And all I ever thought you'd be

That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense

Off a list of others, you don't make sense

Beg me time and time again

To take you back now, but you can't win

Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell

But today I'm fine without you

Run away this time without you

And all I ever thought you'd be

That face is tearing holes in me

But today I'm fine without you

Run away this time without you

And all the things you put me through

I'm holding on by letting go of you

And when that memory slips away

There'll be a better view from here

And only lonesome you remains

And just the thought of you I fear

It falls away

"haih". i sighed in silences.

i've been quite attracted with the songs from All American Rejects now. their songs were so meaningful. i'm also wondering why their song are mostly about a heartbroken guy expressing their feeling. in their last two albums, most of them are all about it. maybe it easier to write a song about that. maybe they are so many people heartbroken in this world. maybe.

as the song came to an end, i reached my destination. from a distance i could see her. seems unhappy. of course. then i'm wondering. what the hell i am doing here?

i parked next to her. killed the engine and i opened the doors. slowly, i got out and walked towards her. then this feelings came. i knew, i didn't like it to be here.

i just look at her face. i stood there and says nothing. i was numbed. i saw her lips moving. she was saying something. but i can't even remember what she was saying. not that i didn't focused with what she's been telling. it's just my mind seem been floating and rejecting all the things she have been saying to me.

and then all of sudden, i felt really uncomfortable. something is burning in my chest. it's a bad, bad heartache.

i knew this pain. it's a pain you feel when your heart are crushed to ashes.

i could see her, smiling. i still don't get it. next thing i knew i was on my feet walking away from her. i get into my car and drive. and the pain, kept getting on harder.

***********************************

"huh."

i woke up. thank God it was just a dream. I am soaked with my own sweat. And the pain was still there.

God, help me.

this loneliness didn't kill me. but i think it's good if i have someone to take care of me. but the time still wasn't right. i need time. i need time.

do u know what i hate?

last night before i close my eyes, i wonder why. why in this world, human can't leave each other alone? why human, won't respect others? why human prefer to be ignorance?

it's hard and i couldn't find any other answers to that. maybe because i am a human.

human, they are special from any other creatures. human have brain. but human usually don't use it. and that could be a problem.

sometimes, when other human ask another human, to do a simple things such as "leave me alone." they just couldn't understand it. what so hard about that? when a people told u to piss off, just piss off. you doesn't have to use 98% of your brain to understand that. so, why would you not, leave my life alone? yes, YOU.

just for you to know, you doesn't have to know anything. because you don't deserved to know anything. because you are NOTHING. don't tell me you feel guilty or bad. if you do feel so, pray to God for Him to bless both of human our life and let us succeed in anything that we've been into. i don't need you in my life before, now, and in the future. because you never there and i'm getting used to it.

don't take this personally. you wasn't bad at all. i don't want to use this blog for all the wrong reason. i write because i loved to. i write because i wanted to. i didn't write all of those entries for you. not at all. and if you want to be better, get your life out of me because i totally gotten my life out of your's. i don't know how your life have been doing but i truly don't want to know. i will wish and pray for your happiness as long as you manage to take your breath away from my air. what's mine is mine and they never gonna be yours. and what's yours is yours and i never intended to have any of it.

i am sorry but we are adults, so we have to act like one. don't try to ruin other's life because we are all connected. once you hurt other's, you end up hurting yourself, IN THE END. lastly, i just want to tell you this, you can be a stalker. but don't left anything behind. you can stalk and then leave.

we can do this the easy way or the hard way. someway somehow, i have rights for my own life. and our Law said so.

understood?

"this post wasn't meant to be personal. i am sorry if it looks like it."

hello, april.

it's the 1st of April and i don't really care about April fool. I'm just hoping this April will be a new beginning for all of us.

so, what should i do in this April? I should make it great. I want it to be great.

what should you do? decide it yourself.

***

it's been a hectic January, worst February and miserably March of this 2010 for me.

i hope this will be a warm April, smiling May, great June and there will be a Present for July.

August, September, October and November?

heh